A Little Bit Dramatic
Why am I like this?
I am the most dramatic person you could meet. I had a meltdown typing that last sentence because I couldn't put 'the most' in italics for a good ten minutes. That's a lie, it was about 30 seconds. See, dramatic.
I had a breakdown this week. A fully fledged, oh-fuck-me-my-life-is-over kind of breakdown. The rollercoaster that is my mental health shot me straight down a half-pipe and almost sent me to rock bottom. Now, I know my mental health isn't exactly a laughing matter - but pair it with my Regina George-like tendencies and you have a top quality, fully fledged depression induced hissy fit.
Let me break it down for you.
It's been a solid ten years of suffering with this. I hate that word, suffering. But that is just how it be my friend, it is just how it be. I can't exactly sit here, a 23-year-old man (??), and say that I'm feeling low because I got bullied when I was 13. It isn't fair to pin my poor emotional stamina on a group of lads who used to call me a puff in school. Mostly because that for sure isn't the reason why I have a pick and mix bag of mental issues. Also, they aren't worth saying it's their fault. Especially when they're probably all in prison or still wear nylon tracksuits.
But it started there and when you strip it all back - the bottom line stays the same.
I have incredibly low self esteem. Stupid low. Lower than any apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur wearing shawty. When I was 13, it came from the bullies. When I was 15, it came from my toxic circle of friends. When I was 17, from a boy who cheated on me. Now? Now I have no one to blame but myself.
That's okay though!
I have moulded a good 70% of my personality off of Regina George. 15% from Kate Sanders from Lizzie McGuire. The rest comes from secondary characters like Brianna from Grace and Frankie or Jaqueline from Kimmy Schmidt. I am a cocktail of bitchy gals. And what do these bitch gals have in common? A heightened sense of self.
I am a confident bitch. I am. I have the loud voice, strong opinions and domineering presence that I have yearned for for so long. I have it now, it's mine. I mean, it took a couple of suicide attempts and the worst year of my life - but I'm there. But confidence does not a